Concerning: Pancakes

So much.

2012-02-11T18:05:00.000-08:00

It's my last term of school for awhile. In just a few short weeks, I'll have my associates degree and I'm taking a break from the learning to sort out the next steps. I started on this school journey almost five years ago and after a few stops and starts and changes in plans, I'm going to finish what I started. I'm pretty proud of that.

Work has been busy. February is my busiest month and this year it's about 3 times busier than it was last year. It's fun and exciting and stressful. Daily I doubt my ability to do it all, but I manage to get it done. I'm getting more confident in my skills in my position and I'm realizing that most people out there are just winging it, too. I can do this.

Things that I never thought I'd see in my life have actually been happening around me for a couple of years and I'm just starting to notice them. The memories I held onto of my family and friends have started to fade and now I'm understanding that everything is different. People change. Situations change. Things will never be as they once were. And while I'm happy with that and it's truly okay, part of me struggles to understand how it can be so different now. I'm still working understanding it.

After living in our home for nearly two years, I finally put some art up on a wall in our living room. It's an old brass bridge that belonged to my in-laws. Why it took me so long is something that's hard to explain. Fear and nervousness and a need for things to be "just right" prevent me from doing so many things that I want to do. Maybe this is my first step in getting over that crap.

This mixed tape is amazing. It's moody and delightful and it's been the perfect companion while I ponder my philosophy class discussion questions. Give it a listen, if you are so inclined. Enjoy the rest of the weekend.

Days.

2012-01-31T12:12:00.000-08:00

Wednesday.

2012-01-25T21:48:00.000-08:00

Tuesday.

2012-01-24T19:05:00.000-08:00

Monday.

2012-01-23T20:47:00.000-08:00

Sunday.

2012-01-22T16:31:00.000-08:00

Please tell me...

2012-01-20T13:55:00.000-08:00

...that I'm not the only person whose cat completely destroys their plants and makes it so all plants must be hidden from said cat.

...that other people struggle with feeling like they are as good for their mate as their mate is for them. And this feeling is based solely on personal insecurities and not anything said mate has done or said.

...what books you are reading, because I'm always looking for suggestions.

...your tips on staying motivated in home decoration. This is a challenge for me and I need to stay motivated to get my house feeling like my HOME.

...why a great haircut can make me feel so stinkin' happy. (I didn't get a new one, but I'm going to soon and I just can't wait!)

...what you are doing this weekend? I'm doing pretty much absolutely nothing, other than eating, reading and sitting. Hooray!

Why do I blog?

2012-01-12T10:59:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. And I'm still working on sorting out the answer. I'm trying to figure out if I plan to keep blogging or if I want to just let it go. Maybe move on to a different method of expression, maybe changing the way I blog (more photos, less words?) or maybe just giving it up all together.

It's weird to love to do something and then suddenly that love starts to fade. And before I declare that I'm done with it, I think I need to make sure of how I really feel. Because I don't want to say I'm done and then a month later say I'm back. So, my recent posting habit of sporadic posts when I feel the need to say something will continue. And maybe soon I'll get it sorted out and figure out what I'm doing with myself here in the blogging world.

xoxo,
stephanie

Hurry up and slow down.

2011-12-29T10:41:00.000-08:00

I am a rapid consumer of things. For a long time I didn't really think about the fact that I'm always trying to rush to the next thing, but about five years ago, I realized that I do. I rush through moments in life thinking that the next ones will be even better.

It reminds me of a cat that didn't get enough food when it was a kitten. When you feed it it gobbles up all the food it can, as quickly as it can, just in case it doesn't get any later. I want to do things NOW and not wait, because I'm worried I won't have the chance to do things later. I don't have five year plans, because who knows if I'll be here in five years. I feel like I'm half-living, half-flying through life, "just in case." It's a strange feeling, when I stop to think about it.

Maybe 2012 will be the year where I realize that if I keep plowing through my life, I'm going to miss out on a lot. The little moments that I can share with friends and family need to be more important to me. I want to treasure them more. I want to enjoy them more. I want to feel like I'm living the life out of every moment that I can. I don't need to be making or doing something every moment, but I need to appreciate them. The evenings that I can spend sitting, watching TV with my husband are precious, even if they seem ordinary right now.

I have an idea of why I do this and I've been trying to do some serious re-wiring so that I can stop doing it. It's actually kind of hard to convince myself that it's OK to slow down and enjoy things as they are, rather than constantly waiting for the next thing to hurry up and happen. Because the next thing is always going to happen, whether I'm racing for it or not.

Ham and Beer

2011-12-23T09:59:00.000-08:00

I'm not drinking beer at work, that's just my coffee mug. But I will be drinking beer in a few hours, as it's a holiday half day, which is a traditional drinking day for me and my friends.

This weekend is going to be full of ham, movies, projects, ham, baking, puttering, ham and pie. I'm really excited about it all. I hope that whatever you're getting up has you as giddy as I am about my ham.

When the days feel short.

2011-12-18T18:45:00.000-08:00

I find myself forgetting that I can do things even when it's dark outside. Something about it getting dark makes me start to get ready to go to sleep. I wind down around 5:30 in the evening, thinking that I'll need to be in bed shortly. Lately, I've been trying to remind myself that at 5:30 in the evening, there are still five hours with which I can DO things.

This is hard, because I'm an inherently lazy person that likes to be busy. Talk about an internal battle. It's very easy for me to put on my comfy pants (also known as my sweats) and sit down in my chair and do absolutely nothing...and be completely irritated with myself for not doing anything. And while I'm trying to embrace the fact that it OK to be completely lazy from time to time, I'm also trying to remember that the sun being out isn't the only reason to do something.

I've been trying to get my workroom organized and projects laid out. I've been plotting Sunday suppers for me and my favorite human. I bought my first ham, with grand plans to make a huge non-Christmas dinner on Christmas, because it's a Sunday and I love ham. We bought four kinds of green coffee beans to figure out what our favorites are. I bought corking equipment to get my first batch of blueberry melomel (mead) bottled.

Plans are being made for furthering my education and sorting out life goals. Budgets are getting created and goals are getting met. An exercise routine has been set and stuck to fairly well, considering this is the time of year for wacky work schedules. We've been hanging out with friends and family and spending time with just us. The Chairman is being crazy and the house is kind of messy. There have been runny noses, sore throats and bruised knees. (I'm clumsy.) I guess this means that life is being lived around here. Even if the days are short.

PS: I took these photos while waiting for my FH to get off work one night. I didn't mess with them but somehow managed to get this sweet blurry look (in the first photo) by focusing on the inside of the windshield. When stuff like this happens, I remember why taking photos is so much fun.

A gift to myself.

2011-12-16T13:50:00.000-08:00

I bought myself something today that I'm over the moon about. My favorite musician/singer is coming to town with one of his bands and he's bring his wine. So I decided that it would be extremely important for me to get a VIP ticket to the concert that includes a wine tasting situation and a close encounter with said favorite musician.

To say that I'm happy would be an understatement. I'm so excited I can barely stand it. The tickets weren't cheap, but that's ok with me. This is going to be epic...and worth every penny.

ramble.

2011-12-06T11:52:00.000-08:00

- I've taken to eating cookies in the morning. I've always been an advocate for eating what sounds good, when it sounds good (spaghetti for breakfast, beer in the morning, eggs benedict whenever I can get my hands on it and so on) and cookies are just what I need in the morning.

- Last night, while I was sleeping, I managed to cut my eyelid. I have no idea how I did it but today my eye is sore. Thank goodness I didn't hurt my actual eyeball.

- I've managed to climb over one of the most annoying hurdles of my professional career in the last couple of weeks and I'm actually feeling really happy with myself. My resume needed to be completely redone and for some reason I kept putting it off. Now it's updated and I can start to take the next steps in my work life.

- My mind has been on getting our home feeling more homey. We have nothing on the walls on the main level of our house. I know what I want to do, but I just am too lazy/nervous/something to get started. This must stop and I must start decorating.

- The idea of starting to knit another pair of socks has been in my head for a few months and I just need to get started on them. I have everything I need to make them...except for the motivation to start. Why is starting stuff so hard sometimes?

- Tonight I'm going to start mapping out and shopping (virtually) for my pantry. It's going to be so fun to have an actual pantry with workspace for random food related projects. (Like fermenting cabbage for sauerkraut or bottling batches of mead or aging cheese.) I can't wait.

- I wish people didn't stress me out so much.

The End.

Quiet time.

2011-12-02T09:19:00.000-08:00

It's the time of year where I find myself a little tired, a little bored and ready to hibernate. My need to make stuff takes a rest and my need to curl up and read good books ramps up. I get inclined to wander around, looking at people and places, enjoying real life and remembering that I have it pretty good. I have less to share and more to hold close to my heart. I used to get annoyed with myself this time of year, when I naturally lean towards doing very little, if I can get away with it. But now I embrace it. I know it's okay to slow it down. I do what needs doing and leave the rest. I enjoy my friends and family and savor as much as I can.

Concerning: Pancakes will be quiet over the next few weeks, I think. I just don't have a lot to share right now. But I'll be around, visiting your blogs and saying hello. And when I'm once again feeling like I have things worthy to share, I'll be back here, babbling away. See you soon. xoxo

On not pretending.

2011-11-18T09:34:00.000-08:00

Some times it feels like I have to play pretend all day long. The way I actually feel about something or someone has to be hidden away and what I am allowed to show is a fake admiration and appreciate for things that I find wrong. I smile when I want to frown. I say thank you when I want to say shut up. I tell people that things are great when what I really want to tell them is that things are mess and they should do something about it. I politely answer people when they ask me the same question for the fifteenth time when I really want to tell them that they are ridiculous and I don't understand how they have a job.

I don't think I'm the only person that does this. I think we all do it, all day long. It's how you survive. It's how you survive a day at work. It's how you protect your friends and family. It's how we try to convince ourselves that it's something we're doing wrong, rather than realizing that maybe the situation really is screwed up.

But...

Lately, I've grown tired of pretending. I'm tired of having to accept the fact that it's okay for some people to wander through life making things more difficult for others, simply because everyone around them allows that behavior. I'm tired of having to smile at people that disrespect me. I'm tired of watching people be blatantly two-faced and never seeing anyone call them out on it.

My new favorite thing is to watch people get uncomfortable if you don't "play pretend" with them. There is something flat-out amazing about watching them scramble to figure out what just happened. When I get the same stupid question, from the same stupid person I've stopped acting like it's normal to always forget this very simple thing. When people ask me to do things that they are perfectly capable of doing themselves, I say no, I can't. And when people don't listen to me and then miss out on something important, I don't cut them any slack or tell them I'll make an exception for them.

The hardest part is finding the balance between stone-cold witch and passive-aggressive fool. Because there is a way to be firm without being heinous. (It's tough for me though.) There is a way to make someone understand that you don't take mess, without them thinking they can never ask you anything. (That's also a tough one for me.) I'm still working out all the kinks on this no pretending adventure...but I'm feeling like it's a good thing.

Making cottage cheese.

2011-11-15T21:30:00.000-08:00

I made cottage cheese quite some time ago. I never got around to posting about it because I wound up making it really late at night (not smart) and the light was cruddy so the photos are a little rough. But then I realized that it doesn't really matter because I'm not entering these suckers in a photo contest; I'm showing everyone that I made some cottage cheese. So there you go.

This is a cheese that I will probably not make very often. It took a long time and even though it was really tasty, it's just not worth the effort for me. So far making chevre has been my favorite. A few more batches of fresh cheese and maybe I'll commit to getting the setup I need for some aged cheese. Homemade provolone? Yes, please.

The Weekend Recap

2011-11-14T09:25:00.000-08:00

We had a pretty mellow weekend. Saturday we went to lunch with some friends and then headed over to a Belgian beer fest, which turned out to be a lot of fun. Two hours of sampling my favorite group of beers while hanging out with my favorite human is pretty much tops for me.

Sunday was nice and lazy, with only one trip out of the house to go to Bi-Mart to get a couple things. While there I realized that it's officially the "season of the sick," complete with people that don't know how to cover their mouths with the cough or sneeze. I've been feeling slightly ill for a couple of weeks now and I'm just hoping that I don't wind up with a full on cold or the flu.

Other than that, the weekend was filled with laundry, schoolwork, cooking, eating and watching movies. It was a good one.

What did you get up to this weekend?

Again, we ramble.

2011-11-11T09:21:00.000-08:00

- Fog is my new favorite thing. It's pretty and eerie at the same time and I love that.

- I got a book about "urban farming" and now I've started to think about grinding my own grains. Anyone out there do that? Is it worth the effort and investment?

- There's a Belgian beer fest on Saturday at one of my favorite beer bars. I'm very much looking forward to it.

- Last night I was pleased to find out that my mead is fermenting nicely and is currently at about 4% ABV. Another week or so in the primary fermentor and then it's off to the secondary so the mead can mingle with blueberries.

- I've decided that I'm going to start cooking one "fancy" meal a week, on Sundays. I don't have the time or energy to make nice meals during the week, but I have so many recipes that I want to try. Committing to one day a week for a big production meal seems doable to me.

- Does anyone else struggle with being true to themselves? I find that I feel so guilty when I make choices for myself that I know other people won't agree with. (People I care about, that is.) I need to let the guilt go.

- I'm still amazed, and probably always will be, that people that don't do their work get to keep their jobs. How does a thing like that work, especially when there are tons of hard workers out there looking for jobs.

You're turn. Ramble on, my friends.

Let's talk about kids. (Part 1)

2011-11-09T10:27:00.000-08:00

Kids are scary. The idea of having* and raising kids scares the hell out of me. The enormity of the task pretty much blows my mind, similar to when I try to think about how big the universe is or if I start thinking about time as dimension rather than a thing I don't have enough of. Basically, my thought process goes something like this:

It would be nice to have baby.

Ugh, I'd end up not getting very much sleep.

Would I be super cranky with the baby like I am with the cat when it wakes me up?

Kids are fun. Having a toddler around would be interesting.

Oh man, that toddler would be a teenager some day.

I think I would snap if my kid ever hollered "I hate you!" to me.

A baby is a small human.

What do I know about training/teaching a human?

What if something bad happened to my kid?

Holy crap, what if I don't teach it the right stuff?

What's the point of having kids?

What about other kids and their influence?

My anxiety would get worse having a kid.

Am I really ready to share my husband with another person like that?

This world is a mess.

I don't know how well I'd do with not being a completely overprotective parent.

Stop thinking about this now; you're making yourself sick.

And while I know that these thoughts are not unique to me, they are the things that go through my head. I don't take the idea of expanding our family lightly. And quite honestly, it's not something that I'm sure I even want to do.** It's not that I don't like kids, I love them. I just don't know if I'm cut out for it. And truthfully, I think that's something that I'll never really truly KNOW, but I do know that I should be more confident in my ability to be a mother before I even get close to THINKING about being a mother.

I think about work, time, money, energy and how all those things would be in short supply (except for the work part) if we added another person into our little family. Humans are expensive and time consuming, no matter how much you love them. They'll upset you and hurt you and make you happy. Since I have people in my life that I love very deeply, do I need to add another person into that mix? There won't be more of me to go around, so to speak, if we have a kid, so what will lose some of my attention? So. Much. To. Think. About. So, I'll just keep on thinking.

*When I say have, I actually mean "get," as in adopt. But saying "get" doesn't sound right to me, so I will always say have...just to clarify.

**Obviously this is not a decision that would be made alone. I have a partner in life and any choice that gets made about kids will come from us together. This post is simply for me to get my thoughts out about my own personal apprehension about the idea of being a mom and having a kid...if that makes sense.

Roasting at home.

2011-11-08T09:09:00.000-08:00

Roasting coffee at home is the latest in the "what can I do/make/build at home so I don't have to buy it" projects we have going on right now. It's easy, cheap and the coffee turned out pretty darn good for my first try. I bought some beans (from Yemen) at a local shop called Mr. Green Beans for about $6 a pound. It took about 20-30 minutes of effort to roast this batch, including clean up time and airing out the kitchen (there was smoke, which is normal.)

I plan to keep doing this and testing out beans from various regions. There are low rumblings of the idea of purchasing an actual coffee roaster, but for now, the Dutch oven is just fine. What I do know for sure is that it's going to be really hard for me to buy coffee from the store now, because for $6-8 per pound I can make at home what I get charged $14-16 a pound for at the store.* If you like coffee and have $6, a little time and a cast iron pan (or a popcorn popper), I highly recommend giving this a try. Like coffee itself, this is pretty addictive.

*I have a tendency to buy expensive coffee. Organic, fair-trade, locally roasted, blah, blah, blah. And while I hate to pull my business away from local companies, I do have to protect my pocket book if I can.. I do feel good buying my green beans from a local shop though, rather than from some crazy online source. At least that's something.

The Weekend Recap

2011-11-07T09:00:00.000-08:00

This photo is from last year, close to when we first moved into our house. I haven't been taking many photos lately, so I find myself recycling old ones a lot.

This weekend was a good one. There wasn't much going on, but that was OK with me. I did make some strawberry shortcake, did some schoolwork, did my chores, exercised and I went to an adoption workshop. I plan to share a bit more about that later. (I should say that we have no plans at this point in time to adopt a child, but it seemed like a good idea to go to a free workshop just to learn more about it.)

I've got a lot of projects going on right now. Things I want to share, but just haven't had a lot of motivation to take photos of what's going on. Slowly, I'm getting back into the blogging mood, so hopefully my posts will be a bit more interesting going forward. Thanks for still coming around, even though I'm rather boring right now.

What have you been up to lately?

The flow.

2011-11-02T10:42:00.000-07:00

Over the last couple of weeks, I've been trying to get into a routine. A routine that includes exercise, activities, projects, school, work, sleep, chores and time with friends and family. It's not easy to fit everything in and not feel overwhelmed. But I find that it's important to try to make room for as much as I can, because all these things add to my overall happiness level.

I find that my interests are shifting and what I'm willing to put my energy is changing, as well. It's been fun to just allow myself to do what I'm feeling like doing, rather than telling myself that I must do "these things." Of course I still have stuff that I must do and some of that stuff isn't my favorite, but it must be done. But for my free time, I'm doing what makes me happy and I'm loving every minute of it.

That's why I titled this post "the flow," because I'm trying to go with it. And I think it's working.

Ten Years Gone

2011-10-31T00:21:00.000-07:00

(This post is being composed as things occur to me because I know that if I sat down to write something heartfelt and honest all at once, I would promptly become a basketcase.)

A decade has past since my father died. Over those years my feelings and thought and reasons for sadness over his death have changed. It's been the strangest thing that's ever happened to me, losing my father and then having to try to reconcile that within myself in a way that I could live with.

For the longest time my sadness over his death was about my loss. The things that I missed out on because he died when I was 20. Me. It was about me and, honestly, I don't really think there was going to be any other way for it to be. But lately, my reasons for sadness have changed. I'm sad because of everything that he missed. He doesn't know that both his kids came out of their reckless phases (which he didn't witness all of) and turned out to be healthy, happy, mostly sane grown-ups. He doesn't know that his daughter is going to graduate college and that she married the boy that she loved since she was a kid. He doesn't know that his son started a business and had a son of his own, who happens to look just like a blonde version of the grandpa he'll never meet. He didn't get to see that all his hard work, energy, and whatever else he gave that I don't realize, paid off. He did a good job. And that breaks my heart.

Today, I'm going to think about him. I'm going to remember the funny things that he did, the things he taught me and the fact that he loved me. I'll drink a little Johnnie Walker and remember the good talks that Dad and I had. I'm sure I'll cry and have to remind myself that he's still gone, no matter how much I wish it was different. I'll tell myself that no matter how much I remember, they are my memories and nothing more. And I'll miss him. But that's OK, because missing him is better than not missing him and having only memories is better than having no memories of him at all.

Life doesn't stop when someone we love dies, though somehow it feels like it should. We march on and keep going, because we can. And here I am, ten years later, still kicking, still growing and still trying to make sense of life. And that is something that I think my dad would be proud of.

Real life and losing little bits of my mind.

2011-10-18T09:50:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've had a lot to say. But when I go to say it, I realize that it's stuff that is actually really hard for me to talk about. When that happens, I'm usually able to put it into writing. But for some reason, right now, I can't do it. It doesn't work.

October is not a good month for me typically. While I don't go into the month assuming that it's going to suck (because that would just be setting myself up for misery), I am aware that emotionally, it's a tough one. The weather is changing. It's staying dark longer. The knowledge that rain and wind will be with us for quite a few months gets to me. And this is also the month that my dad and one of my uncles died. (On the same day, twenty some-odd years apart.) All in all, it's just a weird month.

Because of that, and because of the rather heavy stuff I've been thinking on lately, I'm taking the rest of the month off from blogging. I've got a post planned for the 31st, which marks 10 years since my dad died and I wanted to write a little something about that. But other than that, I need to get some things worked out in my head about my life and what I'm doing and how I feel about what I'm doing. It's actually really exciting because all this is happening rather naturally and it's not linked to some big, bad mistake I made that is making me re-think what I'm doing. It's just I'm stepping back and taking a real look at life and making sure I know what I'm doing and (more importantly) why I'm doing it.

I'll be stopping by your blogs during my non-blogging time, so I'll be around. I hope the rest of the month treats you all well, and I'll see you back here in November!

Can't stop listening.

2011-10-17T10:02:00.000-07:00

I have listened to this song about 100 times since the album preview got posted here. I am so excited for the album to drop tomorrow. Now, I'm just hoping that Puscifer comes to Portland...because that is show I'll pay big money to see.

Things I miss...but not really.

2011-10-13T08:40:00.000-07:00

- When a paycheck of $250 was enough to put me over the moon. (But not really because if that was the case now, I'd be in deep trouble.)

- When I didn't have to pay for school. (But not really because if that would mean I was in middle school again. No thank you.)

- When I used to stay after concerts to meet the band. (But not really because I'd have to deal with a bunch of crazy girls/guys trying to do more with the band than just meet them, and I'd always get irritated.)

- When I could stay up later than 11:30pm. (But not really because that would mean I'd be inclined to drink and party way too much.)

- House parties. (But not really because they always turn into a mess because they are house parties.)

- Being able to cure a hangover with 2 Excedrin and some tortilla chips. (But not really because I actually don't think I was curing hangovers so much as prepping to get drunk again when this was true.)

Do you have anything you miss...but not really?

Let's make soda.

2011-10-10T09:54:00.000-07:00

I love beverages. I love them a lot. And I love carbonated beverages even more than just regular beverages. I bought a Soda Stream seltzer maker a year or so ago and it's probably one of the smartest non-essentials I've ever purchased for myself.

A couple weeks ago I decided to make some sassafras soda. I bought some dried sassafras at my local herb shop and made a simple syrup with it.

I strained out the bits and wound up with half a jar of perfectly flavored syrup. I made a bottle of seltzer and put a little syrup in a cup and then poured the seltzer over it. (The first time I did this, I made a big mistake and added the syrup to the water before I carbonated the bottle. Hello, sticky seltzer explosion.)

It turned out super tasty. I plan to try to make other flavors of simple syrup so that I can enjoy a bunch of different kinds of soda whenever I want.

Jars and stuff...stuff in jars.

2011-10-04T10:37:00.000-07:00

This is my tiny collection of food that I canned so far this year. It was a test year for me, trying to sort out exactly what the best things to can are for my little family. With plans to triple the size of our garden next year and apple picking season upon me now, getting our real pantry in order is going to become more important rather quickly.

I know I'm supposed to take the rings off the jars when I store them, but I just feel safer with them on...plus they look nicer, I think.

What's your favorite thing to keep on hand in your pantry?

Quail Eggs...and my quest to use them.

2011-09-29T11:00:00.000-07:00

(This is a phone photo, hence the quality.)

Last week at the farmers' market, I bought myself some quail eggs. I thought about frying them. I thought about just blowing them out and keeping the shells, since they are pretty. But what I really wanted to do was pickle them.

Recently, we had some beers and dinner at Cascade Brewing Barrel House and they had this little dish that had crackers, a pork and duck fat spread (oh my, it was good), speck (cured and smoked ham) and some pickled quail eggs. Seriously, I was in heaven. I wanted to recreate it at home, so right now I have a small jar of quail eggs pickling away. My plan is to build a meat, cheese, cracker, egg platter for my favorite human and I to eat on Friday night for dinner.

I can hardly wait.

I'm grateful:

2011-09-27T10:34:00.000-07:00

- That I work 6 blocks away from my husband. Not only does it make our one-car life style so much easier, it makes the morning commute nicer since I get to be with him on the ride.

- That I do not work for a college bookstore. I am fully aware that I would lose my mind and probably hurt people if I did.

- For honey and cardamom lattes. They are my favorite.

- For the fact that I'm not 14 anymore. I had a dream last night that I was and I remember feeling heartbroken that I was so young.

- For my blog-friends. It's so nice to know that some of the random thoughts I have, really aren't so random.

- That the rain has started. (Yes, I just said that. Mostly because I really need to remember that the rain is really a good thing.)

- For a good night of sleep. Sometimes I don't sleep well, but it just makes me more happy when I do get a great night of sleep.

- For math. Even though it makes me really mad sometimes, it's useful and I need to remember that.

Alright...your turn. What are you feeling grateful for today?

Pondering friendship.

2011-09-26T10:50:00.000-07:00

(This is a brain dump...you have been warned.)

I've been thinking a lot about friendships lately. The ones I have, the ones I used to have and the idea of new ones that might be in my future. I get pretty emotional when it comes to my friends and I get really sentimental, as well. I often think about people I used to be friends with, years and years ago, and wonder how they are, where they are and how they've changed.

Lately, I'm starting to think about at what point do you give up on a friendship that you once had. You've given it as much energy as you think you can and you start to realize that you could have been putting that energy somewhere else, somewhere that it would really do something...rather than just go off into a void, never to be seen again. In cases like this, when do you know that enough is enough and it's time to move on? Or is moving on even the right thing to do?

Being friends with people is hard work. And I mean, being friends, not just casual acquaintances. It takes energy and time and love. All those things are extremely precious commodities, I think. So, the more I think about it, the more I realize that I need to be worthy of those things from the people I consider my friends. But they have to be the same in return. My energy, time and love are valuable to me, so I can't just give them to anyone...right? I mean, does that sound crazy selfish of me?

Honesty seems to be hard part of friendship, too. Not honesty in the telling lies kind of way, but in the freedom to speak what you truly feel to your friend without worrying about constantly hurting feelings. Part of me thinks that this just spills over from our youth, when feelings really would get hurt if our friends couldn't come over or if they said something like "I don't like that movie/book/actor." As we get older, those things should bother us less and less, I think, but I think we forget that just as we've matured, so have our friends. So if a friend doesn't like the same book we do, it's a non-issue, rather than a crisis of identity suffered due to our friends not liking everything we do.

Part of me just wants to sit people down and say, maybe we aren't really friends anymore. Not because we're bad people or one of us did something to other, but as far as my idea of friends go, we're just not there anymore. And I want to know what they think. Because it can't be a one-sided feeling...can it? But even if it was just me feeling this way, it should still be talked about. There should be an understanding that one of feels this way, the other feels that way...and then at least everyone knows what's going on. I guess that gets back to my idea of honesty. Being able to say "I don't think this is how friendship works" and really get to the bottom of the problem, which might very likely come down to a difference in how the friendship is viewed.

Maybe there is no answer, at least not a definitive one. All friendships are different and they all need to be handled like the unique, rare, exciting things that they are. The fact is that I am the only common denominator in each of my friendships and I have to know myself well enough to know when it's time to give up, move on or fight for the friendship.

Today I'm going to:

2011-09-23T08:47:00.000-07:00

- Listen to Blackalicious; because they are so, so good.

- Make a plan for the weekend; because I could very easily not do a darn thing, so I need to make a little plan of what I want to accomplish and do, so I actually DO something.

- Start making notes of what inspires me; because I think it will help me stay more active with projects and things that I sometime lose motivation on.

- Create a new weekly schedule; because Monday is the start of school and I'm going to need to be as organized as possible so I don't lose my mind.

- Make some peanut butter cookies; because I saw this post and realized cookies are a very good idea.

- Think about making some easy to freeze meals; because having dinner be ready and just needing to reheat it could make my life so much easier.

- Clean my workroom; because it's looking pretty sad right now and I will be spending a lot of time in there over the coming weeks and having it clean and tidy will help me feel more happy in there.

- Make cottage cheese; because it's the next cheese on my list to tackle and I'm super excited about it.

- Enjoy how I'm feeling; because today I feel happy and energetic and that is a rare combo for me, so I need to make the most of it.

What are you going to do today?

And we'll ramble on...

2011-09-21T11:10:00.000-07:00

- The tomatoes are slowing down now. I think I'll make some soup with the last of them and then get ready to prep the beds for winter time.

- Today has been declared a cupcake day. Thankfully (or not) there is a cupcake shop just a few blocks from my work.

- Why is it that my bursts of energy come at the most annoying of times? Like around 10am (when I'm at work and can't put my energy to the fun things I'd like to) or at 10pm (when I need to be in bed so I get enough sleep.)

- Some days I wish my work was more creative.

- We're still getting non-rainy fairly warm weather here in Portland and it's making me happy.

- But I'm super excited for cooler temperatures, sweaters, soup and knitting.

- Why on earth is it so tough to get back into the "real life" groove after a week off?

- Today I'm grateful for lunch delivery services. Because I'm feeling just that lazy.

Your turn. Ramble on, my friends.

The Hall and Bathroom

2011-09-20T05:12:00.000-07:00

One of my big goals for my vacation week was to get the last of the woodwork painted on the main floor of our house. I started the project awhile back and just wasn't looking forward to what I knew would be a lot of work. Well, now it's (almost) done and I'm very happy with how things are looking now. So here's a little peak at the recent updates we've done to the house.

The Hallway - Before

The Hallway - After

The Bathroom - Before

The Bathroom - After (please excuse my lazy, not white-balance photo.)

The Bathroom - After

The color in the bathroom after photos is a little off; the wall color is a really light gray. Having the doors and the trim painted white really make the hall so much brighter. I love it. I still have to do some touch-up on the doors, which I plan to do this weekend. I am so excited that it's almost all done!

The Vacation Recap...will happen tomorrow.

2011-09-19T08:37:00.000-07:00

My vacation was just what I needed. I didn't do everything that I wanted to, but I got enough done that I feel accomplished and happy. I'll post more details over the next week. Today I am getting back into the swing of things at work and slowly making my mental return back to the land of my routines.

School starts back up in a week so I plan to use my free time in the evenings this week to do some sewing and crafting, since my nights will be full of homework soon. Balancing what I need to do with what I want to do is always a little tough for me, but this term I am determined to have a nice school/fun/chore routine so that I don't end up trying to cram everything into one day.

Okay, so a boring, pictureless post today, but the rest of the week will be more interesting, I promise!

I love a picnic.

2011-09-13T08:15:00.000-07:00

A few weeks before I turned 30, I asked one of my best friends if she wanted to go on a picnic with me to celebrate the milestone. (I don't normally celebrate my birthday, but hitting 30 called for a picnic.)

I got super excited about the idea once we had set a date. We have some pretty amazing parks in this city, so we narrowed our options down to two and let the weather that day decide where we were going. (One park had way more more trees, in case we needed shade.)

I bought a new basket, plates and bowls for the occasion. I even treated myself to some striped paper straws, because I felt that we NEEDED them for the picnic.

The spread included salads, a veggie platter with herbed butter and salt, cucumber sandwiches (which were more for an inside joke with my girl than anything else), cured meats and olives.

We spent time eating, talking and just looking up into the trees. It was a perfect day for a picnic. One highlight of the day was a crow dropping a cleaned off chicken bowl from a tree onto our blanket. Gross, but funny.

The dessert was a lemon cream tart/pie thing that I put into jars for us. (The jars made them easy to transport...and they were cute.) After that, Chisa gave me a surprise ball (similar to this) filled with 30 little gifts. I haven't laughed that much opening a present in my entire life. All in all, it was a great day.

Do you like picnics? What's your favorite picnic food?

PS: Tammy from Smallwoods Studios asked me about a few of my favorite things. Check out the post here.

A week off...what to do, what to do?

2011-09-09T09:39:00.000-07:00

I'm taking a week off from work and I'm so excited I can barely sit still today. My plans revolve around some house projects that I haven't had the time or inclination to work on, but will be finished next week. I cannot wait!

Besides getting stuff done at the house, I plan to enjoy some reading, sewing, random crafts and probably some shopping. No pressure, no deadlines, no demands. I see it being a great five days. I'll still be blogging and spouting random dribble over on Twitter and I'll be checking in on your blogs to see what you're getting up to.

I hope the weekend treats you well. What are you going to be doing?

Beer and cheese...a weekend at the Crader house.

2011-09-07T09:03:00.000-07:00

Saturday was a day of making stuff around our house. We brewed a batch of beer (the style is a California Common, also known as Steam beer, for those curious) and I made my first batch of chevre. And let me just say, I will never buy store bought chevre again. It is super simple to make and the only hassle is the waiting time (12-24 hours for the milk to coagulate and then 6-12 hours of draining.) But it was worth every minute I waited for it.

The more stuff I try to make and do, the more I realize that there is a lot of stuff out there that really is manageable to do myself. What's your favorite thing to make rather than buy?

On being thirty...and other random stuff.

2011-09-06T11:37:00.000-07:00

I'm giving fair warning now, this post is just me rambling on about life and changes and learning about myself and a couple conclusion I came to over the weekend. Also, it might not make any sense...but I'm okay with that for this post.

My goal over the weekend was to enjoy time with some of my closest friends, doing things that made me happy and just being. Long weekends can stress me out sometimes, because I feel like there should be things getting done with that extra time. This long weekend though, I decided that I wanted to enjoy myself and do a little reflecting.

Birthdays don't mean too much to me. I'm happy that I was born and that I'm alive to see another year, but my age doesn't mean too awful much to me. Getting older (though 30 is still young) doesn't bother me at all. I actually look forward to getting older, simply because I'm patiently waiting to feel like an adult. But this year something hit me. Actually it's been brewing for awhile, but I really thought about it a lot this weekend and I came to a conclusion. My age has nothing to do with how I feel about myself.

I've walked around for years, thinking about everything that is wrong with me, knowing that I'm full of flaws and really, truly trying to work on those things. I always feel like I'm lacking very important qualities that, if I had them, would make me a wonderful, great, lovable person. I've had some conversations with some of my closest friends over the last few weeks and tried to sort out why I feel this way about myself. Why do I think that there is so much wrong with me? Even if I look around and feel proud of what I've done with my life or what I've accomplished, there is a voice inside of me that is very ready and willing to remind me of all the areas in which I have "failed" or where I am lacking. I've decided that it's time for that voice to shut up.

This year, I have planned only two goals for myself. But these aren't goals that will have an end, so to speak. From now on, I'm focusing on loving me for who I am, how I am and what I'm doing NOW. I can't change the past. I can't undo whatever it is that I regret in my life. I can't change some of the things that I wish were different about me. But I can learn to accept myself, while still growing as a person. And that goal will help me with my second goal, which has to do with cultivating my relationships with people. The happier I am with me, the better friend and companion I'll be to those in my life.

I feel like I keep stumbling upon the same conclusion, over and over again. Some days I feel like I've got it all figured out and then moments later, I feel more lost than ever. And I think it's because even though I come to conclusions about what I need to do in life to feel the best I can, I never really get to the root of the problems and let the answer really become a part of my life. (If that makes any sense.) I mean, I can tell myself that, yes, I can slay dragons, but if I don't really believe it, it does me no good.

So, I don't feel different because I'm 30, but I do feel different because now I suddenly feel like I have control over things that I didn't realize I had so much control over. And that is something that I feel is very, very exciting.

Today (and this weekend) I'm going to:

2011-09-02T10:27:00.000-07:00

- Drink a beer with my friends; because it's a half day and that's just what we do.

- Pick up my bicycle; because the repairs should be done today!

- Eat some tomatoes from the garden; because they are FINALLY getting ripe. Yahoo!

- Get started on my goat cheese; because it's going to take parts of 2 days and I want to eat it as soon as possible.

- Enjoy my last days of being in my 20's; because I'm ready to say good-bye to them on Sunday.

- Have a picnic on Monday; because a picnic in the park with one of my best gals is just plain fun.

- Brew some beer; because the keg is getting low!

- Relax and reflect; because my 20's started out really rough and I plan to have a better first few years of my 30's and I want to figure out what that means to me.

- Have fun; because that's important...don't you think?

What are you going to do today and over the weekend?

Little moments.

2011-09-01T10:06:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to remember little moments more. I want to catalog in my mind as many happy feelings and memories as I can, so that I can think about them whenever I want. Things in life aren't always perfect or happy or easy. But if I keep a nice bank of moments that were those things, maybe it will help me to stay positive and happier during times that aren't so great.

I took the photo above when we were at the beer fest in Bend a couple weeks ago. I remember thinking, as I took this picture, that this was a perfect day and I was feeling really content and happy. About two minutes after I took the picture, we met a couple super nice ladies and wound up spending the rest of the evening with them. So, a great day carried over into a really fun night and I'm really glad that they were mine to enjoy.

Being like the cool kids.

2011-08-31T09:37:00.000-07:00

I was reading something the other day where a person made a comment about canning being cool and that it's a trend that will pass. After reading that, I started to think about all the things recently that seem to have become extremely popular, which just a few years ago lots of people didn't really do. Folks living in cities are suddenly keeping chickens, bees and goats. People are making cheese, canning food and learning how to be more and more self-sufficient.

Truth be told, all those things are things I'd love to do. I plan to get chickens, I'm learning to make cheese and I've started to pull together plans for getting a large root cellar/larder/pantry built in our basement. I've started to learn about keeping a vegetable garden and I've been learning how to can and preserve food. We brew our own beer and plan to start to growing our own hops next season. But honestly, I don't think this makes me cool. And I really hope that doing things like this becomes more the norm, rather than some passing trend.

When things become trendy and everyone wants to start to do them, it makes it so much easier to get the supplies and information a person needs to do these things. I love that. And I think that the people that do these things because they enjoy them and really want to be more self-sufficient, will keep doing them, even if they aren't trendy anymore. For me, once I learn how to can food really well, there's no way I'd stop doing it. And getting chickens isn't a casual choice for me, so if I get them, I'm keeping them. There are things I'd still like to learn more about to see if they would fit into my lifestyle (beekeeping might be a little out of reach for me.) I don't think this stuff has to be a passing trend; it can all be a way of life for those that want it.

Quite honestly, I don't know where I'm going with this post. Hearing that something I've recently started to do has become trendy makes me feel weird. I want to do stuff because I genuinely want to do it, not because everyone else is doing it. But sometimes, that's really the only time it's easy enough to get started on something, because everyone is doing it and that makes getting access to stuff so much easier. (Not to mention affordable and in quantities that are not wholesales sized.) I also think it's good for people to understand exactly what they can do themselves and to find out if doing those things are worth it to them.*

Basically, I think this stuff is fun and I wind up getting stuff out of in the end that I can eat and drink. And I don't really care if it's cool or trendy or whatever. Just so long as I don't have to start buying canning jars by the pallet, I'll be OK.

*For example, I'm sure I could sort out how to roast my own coffee beans, but the time and energy it would take to do might not be worth it to me. And if it wasn't, I would very quickly switch back to drinking coffee roasted by someone else.

Put the peaches into jars.

2011-08-30T09:09:00.000-07:00

This weekend we went peach picking. It was really fun (and it went really fast) and I came home with close to 40 pounds of peaches. I canned some in a light syrup, made a cobbler with some, saved some for sorbet (which I'm making tonight) and the rest got turned into jam.

I learned a lot from this canning episode. I sorted out a good routine for the blanching and peeling of fruits that need it and decided that I'm going to be using our outdoor burner to heat the canner next time.

This was my first attempt at a cooked jam and it looks like it's going to turn out a bit more like compote than jam. But I learned a few things, read a bit more about it and I'm pretty sure that next time I'll get it right.

Do you like to go and pick your own fruits and vegetables?

Ramble on and on.

2011-08-29T11:43:00.000-07:00

- It's raining today. I have this terrible feeling that my tomatoes are never going to ripen.

- Fantasy football makes absolutely no sense to me. Does anybody know what makes it so appealing to so many people?

- I turn 30 on Sunday. It seems weird to me that I'm about to make it out of my 20's.

- Being as I am one of the few Portlanders that can't stand Stumptown coffee, I was super excited to find this local roaster, whose coffee I really like.

- After spending yesterday afternoon canning peaches and peach jam I realized that making things from scratch makes me happier than I thought it did.

- During the car ride home from the concert I went on Friday, my best gal and I started talking about this song and now I feel like I'm living in the summer of my 19th year.

- I've decided to start cooking meals that will last for two dinners, therefore cutting my cooking nights in half. I am excited about this.

- Today is a chevre making day. It will be my first attempt at it, so I'm hoping it's at least edible, even if it's not AMAZING.

- I just bought a chest freezer. Now I need to buy myself a quarter of a cow to put in it.

Your turn. Ramble on, my friends.

The Weekend Plan

2011-08-26T11:09:00.000-07:00

Image found here.

Tonight I'm traveling to a casino that is on the way to the Oregon coast to see George Benson, live and in person, with one of my best friends. We are SO excited about it. I have been listening to his music for literally my entire life, so getting to see him live is going to be really fun.

On Saturday, my favorite human and I are going to go to breakfast at the Original Pancakes House, go peach picking, and then head over to the Great American Nano Festival.

And then on Sunday, my other best friend is coming over for a mini sewing party. We're going to work on a couple new bags, which I'll post photos of next week, hopefully. And if I have time in the afternoon, I'm going to be working canning the peaches that will be picked on Saturday.

It's going to be a busy but super awesome weekend, and I can't wait! What are you getting up to?

Bicycle!

2011-08-25T08:38:00.000-07:00

Last night I had bicycle shopping success! I'm so excited.

Image from Community Cycling Center.

We headed over to the Community Cycling Center after work yesterday and looked at a few options and ended up with the bike above. It needs some work, which we had expected, but by next Friday I'll have this bad boy home!

The more I have been reading about the Community Cycling Center the happier I am I found a bike that worked for me there. Portland has SO many bike shops, but since I was looking for a used bike anyhow, I am happy to give my money to a place that is working to help the community and the neighborhood they are in. Not to mention the people were really nice and helpful, even when I told them my price range.

While I don't plan to become a super cyclist, I do plan to use my bike as much as I can and try to enjoy more time outside, even when it's a little rainy around here. Do you have a bike?

Bicycle, bicycle...I want to ride my bicycle.

2011-08-24T09:55:00.000-07:00

I'm in the market for a bicycle. I had a very heavy (didn't really fit me) cruiser awhile back, which I had won in a random drawing. I gave it to my mom the last time we moved because it just wasn't the kind of bike I needed for the type of biking I wanted to do.

But I've finally decided that it's time for me to a bike that actually suits me, both in what it's built for and size. I'm super excited about it. Portland has more bike shops than you can shake a stick at, so I'm looking forward to shopping around and figuring out just what I need. And then once I do that, I'm searching for a used one. I'm not super keen on spending big bucks on a bike, especially if I can find a sturdy used one for cheap.

Once I get my new used bicycle, the first order of business it to get a bell. (Safety first, you know.) Then I'll get it fitted with a rack and some saddle bags of some kind. And then I will be a bicycle riding fool. I cannot wait.

Swirls

2011-08-22T11:43:00.000-07:00

After a great weekend away, I'm full of hope, plans and motivation. I love when this happens. But I'm also feeling really thoughtful (in the I have a lot I'm thinking about way, not that I'm thinking about everyone else kind of way...)

I was catching up on my blog reading when got home last night and I came across this post, the connected comments, and then the final post about the whole mess (which is now not up). I find myself having a hard time not thinking about it. Blogging is so personal, most of the time, and it's so easy to have people read something and not see what you mean or how you mean it...even when people seem to know us. Honestly, I had never thought about the power of blogging to make people feel so discouraged, but man...it really does happen.

What do you think? Do you get a lot of rude, brutal, harsh, ignorant, un-undesrtanding comments on your blogs? Is it hard to take? Does it make you want to give up blogging? I'm really interested in this whole thing.

Today I'm going to:

2011-08-19T10:20:00.000-07:00

Image found here.

- Listen to a bunch of Queen; because they are so, so good.

- Leave work at noon; because we're heading to Bend!

- Drink some beers; because there's a beer fest going on in Bend this weekend.

- Enjoy the drive around Detroit Lake; because it's really, really pretty.

- Take photos; because I'm bring two cameras with me on this trip in the hopes that I will at least take a few photos.

- Finish up The Help; because I am almost done with it and am ready to see the movie.

- Be grateful; because I just a friend lose a family member to cancer and it reminds me that we've got to enjoy what we have, when we have it.

- Get an blended coffee beverage; because it finally feels like summer in this city and coffee slushy sounds good.

What are you going to do today? I hope you all have excellent weekends!

Ramble on...it's too fun to stop.

2011-08-18T10:24:00.000-07:00

- I'm staring at this photo today because it's gray and cold here in Portland today.

- Where does time go? Seriously, I cannot believe it's almost September.

- Liquid B-12 complex has been my saving grace for the last few weeks. That stuff makes me feel great.

- I've officially decided that I dislike stories that take place in Portland. I get so annoyed when people make completely random references to places or streets in this city, just to "name-drop" so to speak. Does this happen to you if you read a story that takes place in your city? (The first section of the Portland Noir book almost put me through the roof with this type of thing.)

- I got into a hilarious discussion with some co-workers about the cast of The Young and the Restless the other day. I haven't watched soaps in years, but it always kills me that the stories are all the same.

- As much as I love the summer, I have to admit that the current weather patterns are making me excited for fall.

- Why on earth is it so hard to set aside time for stuff we want to work on? I have so much stuff I want to make/do/learn but it's always the first stuff to fall off my list. This needs to stop, me thinks.

- We're heading to Bend this weekend and I'm really excited for a couple of days away, just for fun.

- I've decided to take a week off from work in September to knock out a few projects around the house. I am so stinkin' excited about it.

- And just for fun...here's one of my favorite songs. I'm sure it's not for everyone, but it just makes me happy.

Your turn. Ramble on, my friends.

The Weekend - the Clark County Fair

2011-08-16T20:37:00.000-07:00

Up until Saturday, I had never been to a county fair. Growing up it just wasn't my family's thing. A couple months ago Andy suggested that we take a trip to one of the fairs this year. So, on Saturday morning we took the 20 minute drive up to Ridgefield, Washington and I got my first taste of a county fair.

Goats are what I was most excited about seeing. Holy crap, they are cute.

The sheep were cute but a little too noisy for me to find them really enjoyable.

Chickens always make me happy. This one had it's whole head in that cup of food, which made me like it even more than the others.

Llamas are good, too. This one looked so serious and rather regal, I kind of wished I could take it home with me.

And then there was this bunny. Completely relaxed and super adorable.

The animals were my favorite part, but I really enjoyed the whole thing. Seeing the vegetable contests and all the canned food that won prizes, it just made me understand what all the fuss about the county fair is about. People really get into it and get to share stuff they've worked hard on with other people. It just seems like a nice way to be a part of a community.

Did you go to county or state fairs growing up? Do you go to them now?

The Weekend - the real post coming soon.

2011-08-15T11:25:00.000-07:00

The weekend was great. I wound up doing three things that I had never done before, so that was pretty exciting. I'll share the details of the weekend tomorrow; I've got to up load a few photos from one of the adventures. In the meantime, here's a photo of the Chairman. Also, here's a great way to kill some time...you can thank me later.

Pickles - A recipe (or three.)

2011-08-12T04:47:00.000-07:00

I have three recipes for pickling spice mixes that I've thrown together recently. Two of them have been taste tested, one of them I just put together tonight. Basically what I do is hold up a bunch of spices close to my nose and see if they smell good together. If they do, I throw them in the jar. It's very scientific. So here's what I've put together so far.

Jar #1: (pint sized jar with 1 1/2 cups pickling cucumbers, sliced, and 1/2 cup carrots, sliced.)

- 2 t. kosher salt

- 1/2 t. coriander seeds

- 1/4 t. brown mustard seeds

- 1 garlic clove, smashed

- 1/2 t. cumin seeds

- 2 whole cloves

Jar #2: (pint sized jar with 1 1/2 cups pickling cucumbers, sliced, and 1/2 cup carrots, sliced.)

- 2 t. kosher salt

- 2 bay leaves (smallish, crumbled)

- 1 t. caraway seeds

- 1/2 t. fennel seeds

- 1/2 t. crushed red pepper flakes

Jar #3: (quart sized jar with 3 pickling cucumbers, cut into spears.)

- 2 T. kosher salt

- 2 bay leaves (smallish, crumbled)

- 1/2 t. whole peppercorns

- 1/3 t. brown mustard seeds

- 6 whole juniper berries

- 1 t. dill seeds

- 1/2 t. fennel seeds

- 1 1/2 t. dried red bell pepper

With all the jars, I filled them up halfway with white vinegar and then topped them off with cool water. I shook up the jars to dissolve the salt and put them in the fridge. After a few days I tested them and have been munching on them since. (With Jar #3, I did add a splash of white wine vinegar, to see if it made any difference.)

Andy likes #1 the best and my other testers liked #2 the best. The red pepper flakes did give the pickles a bit of a kick, so if you like spicy, that's a good ingredient to add.

If you try these, or if you have a spice combo you love for pickling, let me know!

Around here...

2011-08-11T03:12:00.000-07:00

We're making pickles. (Because they are good. Recipes tomorrow, friends.)

We're finding watermelons the size of dimes. (Yeah, I said watermelon.)

We're taking photos of the cat. (Because she is cute.)

We're patiently waiting for these beauties to turn red. (Because I want to eat them.)

We've got eggplants. (Yes. Yes, we do.)

So, what's going on around you?

Toys for dogs.

2011-08-10T07:59:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I decided that I needed to do something for someone else.* I was itching to volunteer somewhere and my first choice was the Oregon Humane Society. After looking over their website, sorting out their guidelines for volunteering and realizing that I might not be able to swing the time commitment right now, I saw that they had other ways that they needed help.

Listed on their website they have instructions on how to make a few different kinds of toys for the dogs and cats up for adoption, as well as bandanas and treats for the dogs. This was right up my alley, as far as time commitment goes. So I went and bought some super discounted fleece at my local fabric shop and got a bag of tennis balls and got started.

Basically all you do is braid together three pieces of 4 ft. long fleece and then thread that through a tennis ball (that you've cut a couple holes into.) Then the dogs have something to toss around and chew on while they wait for their new family to find them. Super simple, super cheap and it will make the dogs happy. And that makes me happy.

*I want to say that I in no way think my doing this little project makes me some kind of amazing person. I know so many people that give so much time and energy to the community and this little bit that I'm doing is really not anything crazy amazing. But I thought it was fun and I wish I had known about it sooner because it is something that is easy to do if you want to give back a little, but don't have a lot of time to do so. That's why I chose to share it here. Not because I think I'm awesome for doing it. :)

Bleh.

2011-08-09T09:23:00.000-07:00

I've been down for two days with the stomach flu, which I have now passed on to my favorite human (I'm sorry, my love.) I'm getting back into the groove today and plan to have some real posts this week. I've got pickles to share, some crafty projects and hopefully some photos to share, as well.

Ramble on...some more.

2011-08-04T12:37:00.000-07:00

- I'm back on the "buying chickens is a good idea" bandwagon. I signed up for a class (I paid for it too so I won't bail) and got a book. And, even more importantly, I looked at a few chickens and kind of fell in love.

- When we were at the coast a couple weeks ago, I stumbled on about a 12 foot long patch of sand that was covered in crab parts. It was kind of neat, in a weird way.

- Watering the lawn by hand a couple of times a week makes me feel like a grown-up. I have no clue why.

- A few weeks ago I thought that having a vegetable garden might be more work than it's worth. And then stuff started showing up and now I'm planning to triple the size of my veggie patch next year. Amazing what seeing results can do for ones motivation.

- I still find myself getting frustrated with people at my job not doing their work and never getting in any kind of trouble. It kind of makes me want to experiment to see what would happen if I just didn't do parts of my job. (Not really, though.)

- The need to buy sympathy cards makes me want to make my own. Why are sympathy cards always so wordy when, most of the time, generic words really don't cut the mustard when it comes to sympathy?

- I just found out that Anthony Bourdain has written novels. I picked one up at Powell's the other day and it's funny because in my head I just hear him narrating it like he does No Reservations.

Your turn. Ramble on, my friends.

Pickles and postings.

2011-08-03T09:57:00.000-07:00

Check out the cute little cucumbers that are in my garden. I've had 4 that I've been able to pick so far and last night 3 of them turned into pickles. I'm experimenting with my own pickling spice mix, which I'm excited about. I'll let you know how my first test batches turn out.

I just realized I only posted 9 times in July. What the heck? I really thought I had more to say than that. My goal is to post more regularly in August and hopefully the posts will be fun and entertaining and maybe they'll even promote further discussions. I love posts like that.

Anyhow, my happy "I'll do battle with anyone" feeling from yesterday is still going strong today. I think it mostly has to do with the fact that the sun is shining and it finally feels like a good old Portland summer. FINALLY. Today I plan to do more stuff that makes me happy, be productive and enjoy the day as much as I possibly can.

What kinds of things do you like to do when you feel like you can take on the world?

The things that traveling does.

2011-08-02T10:25:00.000-07:00

Whenever I travel I always come home ready to get back to my life. As much as I love to see other places and be in different environments, it's the moment of walking back into my "real life" that I love most. I feel renewed, in a way.

I wish I could put my finger on what makes me feel so good when I get home. Part of me thinks that after I see so many people and get a look at other peoples' lives, I realize how much I am in love with the life I have. Not that other peoples' lives are crappy, but more like I see how well suited my life is for ME. And then I realize that I can continue to build a life that is suited to me and get out of it what I want.

So today, I feel like I could take on the world and win. It's a rare feeling for me, so I'm embracing it. I'm going do the things that I want to do today and I'm going to be happy the whole time I'm doing them.

Hey, there's a cliff! Let's go climb all over it.

2011-07-26T10:23:00.000-07:00

We ventured to Pacific City on Saturday to do some hiking and beer tasting. After lunch, we decided that rather than go hiking on a trail, we'd break some rules, duck under fences and climb up all over the sandstone cliffs.

As you can see in the picture above, we weren't the only ones being adventurous. That photo is at about the halfway point to the furthest rocks.

This is the path that we had to climb down to actually get to and then climb back up to get to the top of that rock. I was slightly nervous, because it was pretty windy, but I cinched my backpack good and tight and went for it.

As we hiked down to go up that narrow path, I saw these boulders that were as smooth as river rocks. They looked the giant pebbles.

This is as close as I got the edge with my camera out. Parts of the rock were rather slick (due to sand) and there was nothing to hold onto and nothing to stop a person from tumbling off the edge. So the camera got put away and all my concentration was on soaking in the beauty and not falling down. Thankfully, I succeeded in both areas.

There are a few more photos here. I haven't uploaded everything yet, but plan to next week when we get back from Vegas.

The selfish.

2011-07-25T13:06:00.000-07:00

I had this moment, in the not so distant past, when I realized that I can be very self-centered and selfish. It was a rather horrifying moment for me and I've been thinking about it quite a bit since. I'm mentally wrestling with why I lean that way when I do and if I can figure out how catch it before it makes me do something stupid that I later feel ashamed about.

Some days I think I live life in a bubble. I focus on me, on what I need, what I want and give very little thought to those around me...even those I am very close to. And while I think we all need to focus and take care of ourselves in order to be the best people we can be for those around us, it's very easy to not snap out of that me, me, me thinking. At least it can be for me.

I find it even harder to focus on other people if I am highly agitated about something. It's like my brain shuts down and all I can do is think about me and how I'm dealing with a situation. And this happens even if I logically know that whatever has me upset most likely has someone else upset, too.

Each step I take in life seems to reveal a number of new steps that I should or could take in the process that is called living. I find parts of myself to reshape, parts to try to get rid of and parts that I actually really like. And while it can be discouraging to keep finding things to work on, the part that I find comforting is that I have these good bits in me that want to work on them, so that I wind up being a better, stronger, happier person in the end.

The Weekend Plan

2011-07-22T11:55:00.000-07:00

Image found here.

The weather is supposed to be pretty darn nice around these parts so my favorite human and I are heading to the coast on Saturday for some hiking and a visit to the Pelican Pub & Brewery. We've had a lot of fun trying new beers at different brewpubs around the area...this state is so great for good beer.

Other plans for the weekend include some yardwork, some cleaning, and some preparation for our trip to Vegas. It's going to be hot, hot, hot while we're there, so I'm really looking forward to hanging out in my family's pool. Hopefully it won't be so hot that it prevents us from doing some outdoor activities while we're there. Hiking in the red rocks is a lot of fun, but not so fun if you are melting from the heat.

I'm also hoping to work on a couple of small projects on Sunday. I have some things to sew and they won't take much time, but I just haven't had the focus to sit down and just DO them.

What are you getting up to this weekend? I hope whatever it is that you have a great time doing it!

Missing what I missed out on.

2011-07-20T10:07:00.000-07:00

There are so many reasons I'd like to go back in time. One of those happens to be to go see live all the bands that I'll never have the chance to see. I think I'd lose my mind a little if I got to see Led Zeppelin, Jefferson Airplane, Billie Holiday, the Doors, and so many others, up close and personal.

Do you have band or singer you wish you could have seen during their prime?

Hello, new week. I plan to use you.

2011-07-18T10:10:00.000-07:00

This weekend was probably one of the laziest ones I have had in months. At first I felt slightly guilty, but I quickly got over that when I realized that it's OK to do nothing, every once in a while. We ate junk food, watched movies and just lounged around all day on Saturday and most of the day on Sunday. I did manage to get the laundry done and the food shopping taken care of. I also had some time to hang out with one of my best friends on Sunday morning. But other than that, I was in my pajamas, wrapped in a blanket, snuggled into my recliner.

All the relaxing makes me really want to get the most out of this week. And after reading a couple of great lists this morning, I decided to make my own list of goals for the week.

- Hit the gym at least 3 days this week.

- Clean my house! I've been totally slacking and I'm fed up now.

- Bake some bread so my refrigerator dough doesn't go bad.

- Mail my Pay it Forward gifts!

- Buy a new cell phone.

- Do some weeding, if the weather gets a touch nicer.

I think this list is manageable. Anything in particular that you're planning to do this week?

Let's ramble on...again.

2011-07-13T12:37:00.000-07:00

- Sometimes I get annoyed that people that visit Portland know more about the fun places to go than I do. Maybe I need to start acting like a tourist.

- Being at home makes me realize how much I love being at home.

- Chocolate mint ice cream is way better when the ice cream is chocolate.

- Tomato plants get big. I need to remember this when I buy tomato cages next year.

- Listening to Benny Goodman records while doing chores is my new favorite thing.

- There are some crazy looking weeds in my yard. See above photo.

- Constantly looking at the accomplishments of others can make a person overlook their own accomplishments.

- The Coldwater Creek Spa is my new favorite place on earth.

- Taking photos using an Instax is amazingly fun.

- The internets have been stressing me out lately...there's so much information that I want to keep up on and when I get behind (hello, my favorite blogs!) I get totally overwhelmed trying to catch up.

- It's Wednesday, but it feels like Monday. And that's OK with me.

Your turn. Ramble on, my friends.

Today I'm going to:

2011-07-08T09:09:00.000-07:00

My lovely Rook print from Smallwoods Studios.

- Work hard; because I'm taking Monday and Tuesday off so I have to make sure my work stuff is in order.

- Go to the library; because the books I requested are in and I'm ready to start reading more about cheese making!

- Clean the bathrooms at home; because they need it.

- Sort out the perfect place for my new rook print; because I'm really excited to have this print as my first piece of art for the living room.

- Map out my project list; because it's getting really long and I need to be smart about how much I'm trying to accomplish and when things needs to be done.

- Get ingredients for ice cream and cookies; because I'm making both this weekend (hopefully).

- Be patient with people; because it's very, very hard for me...and I need to be better about it.

- Watch some Strongbad videos; because they are funny and funny is good.

Your turn. What are you going to do today?

Er...Happy Wednesday...night.

2011-07-06T20:21:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's Wednesday. Normally 4-day work weeks kick my butt, but this one happens to be going by quite nicely and quickly, even though I am really behind in my posting. I actually have things I wanted to share this week...but I think they'll have to wait until next week now.

But I do have some randomness to share:

- I had a basil macaron today...it was kind of weird, kind of amazing. It did inspire me to try to make them again myself.

- My workroom looks like it exploded. There is going to be some serious organizing going on this weekend for me.

- GHD sit-ups are amazing. I couldn't laugh for about 3 days after I did them and it's been about a week and I'm just now ready to do them again.

- My vegetable garden is going wild. One of the bell pepper plants has its first pepper coming out and I'm kind of over the moon about it.

- Bi-Mart is my new favorite store. It's the only place I can go to buy yarn, canning equipment and wine and have Andy with me at the same time.

- I'm behind in my Pay it Forward gifts. I'm making progress, but thanks for being patient with me, my friends.

Today I'm going to:

2011-07-01T09:29:00.000-07:00

One of Andy's photos.

- Leave work at 12:30; because it's a holiday weekend half day. Woot!

- Go shopping for beer supplies; because we're brewing on Monday, thanks to the holiday.*

- Putter around the yard; because the weather is really nice today and I'm not going to waste it inside.

- Cook up some fish; because this recipe is currently knocking my socks off.

- Work on some projects; because I have Pay it Forward gifts to get in the mail next week!**

- Clean my workroom; because I'm acquiring some new sewing equipment from my grandma and I have to make room for it.

- Enjoy the day; because, honestly, why wouldn't I?

Your turn. What are you going to do today?

*I don't celebrate the 4th of July, but I do enjoy seeing the fireworks and the extra day off from work!

**I don't have everyone's shipping addresses, so if you were a winner, please email me and let me know where to send your package. Thanks!

Life as I know it.

2011-06-30T07:37:00.000-07:00

I've been buying some records. (Because you don't say no to a $4 Clapton album OR a $3 copy of Jefferson Starship's Earth album, which has my favorite JS song "Runaway" on it.)

I've been pickling things. (Daikon, in this photo, which happens to be my new favorite thing to pickle.)

I've been making cheese. (Because brew shops always carry cheese-making supplies so it was only a matter of time before I came home with some.)

I've been watching stuff grow in my vegetable patch. (Because there is nothing more exciting than watching a tiny plant suddenly become a monster that promises to bear edible treats.)

I've been trying to take photos a lot. (Because it makes me happy to do so.)

What have you been up to lately?

An eyelash confession.

2011-06-28T19:49:00.000-07:00

When I was little I had no idea that my eyes were different than my brother's. I never really looked that hard at either one of us, so it didn't occur to me that certain features of ours would be completely different. It wasn't until I was in the 2nd grade and I saw my brother's 5th grade school picture that I noticed his eyes look weird. I couldn't put my finger on WHY they looked weird, but they did. Suddenly it hit me, like a little bolt of lightning: My brother's eyes were green. And his eyelashes were impossibly long. My eyes, on the other hand, were very dark brown and my eyelashes were less than impressive.

Of course these discoveries didn't really mean much to me at the time. But as we got older, and more girls started to notice my brother, I heard more times than I can remember, "Your brother has the most beautiful eyes!" And while I don't begrudge my brother and his pretty eyes, I have to admit, I was always a little jealous.

Fast forward many years to 2010-ish. A new product suddenly shows up that says you can grow longer, thicker and darker lashes. (I'm sure you know what product I'm talking about...) I think about it. I read about it. I toss around the idea of trying it. I worry about going blind. I worry that I'm being vain and silly. I worry about the cost. I worry about going blind. I don't worry about the side effect of my irises darkening. I consider eyelash extensions. I decide I will not do it. I don't need longer lashes, I need to get over myself and my vanity.

Then in January of this year I decided that I was going to try it. I had talked to some people that had used it and they loved it and suffered no ill side effects and they did not go blind. I learned a couple of tricks to make the solution last longer, which would save me some money. So, I took the plunge.

The Before.*

The Now.

They got thicker. They got a little longer in some spots. My lashes reach a little further along my eyelid now. But the edges of my eyelids did get darker; though it just kind of looks like smudgey eyeliner. I only apply the solution a couple times a week and haven't seen any change in results now that they are at this point. (I used the stuff diligently for the first 16 weeks, to achieve the maximum results.)

Am I happy? Sure. Did it change my life? Not in the slightest. Am I still jealous of my brother's green eyes? Only sometimes, but I don't think that will ever change. Is it worth it? For me, it is, for now. But the best part? I haven't gone blind.

*Sorry about the orange tone of this photo. It was taken the night I started using the stuff and I had almost forgotten to take the before shot, so I was scrambling.

Winner, winner, chicken dinner!

2011-06-27T18:43:00.000-07:00

Thanks to everyone that commented on the Pay it Forward post. Because I'm not high tech, I just drew names out of a bucket to figure out the winners (rather than using a random number program.) So without further ado, here's who I'll be sending a little something to:

Allison

Congrats, ladies! Shoot me an email at stephaniecrader(at)gmail(dot)com with your shipping address and I will have a little package to you soon. (Since part of the gift will be handmade, it might take me a week or so to get them all done.) I look forward to hearing from all of you soon!

It's here.

2011-06-25T16:49:00.000-07:00

The weather that makes me fall in love with this city all over again. The weekend so far has been a mix of roaming around the yard, cooking on the grill, eating outside and going over to the neighbors house to roast marshmallows in their campground style firepit. I don't think I could ask for a better weekend. I hope yours is going just as well.

It's Friday, so let's watch a video of a kitty.

2011-06-24T10:29:00.000-07:00

All I know is that it's been a long week, I'm happy it's Friday and this kitten makes me want to scream it's so cute. I hope the weekend treats you proper! See you on Monday...when I'll tell you the names of the people I'll be sending little gifts to. If you want in on the Pay it Forward drawing, just leave a comment on this post.

On drama.

2011-06-23T09:33:00.000-07:00

Normally, I hate drama. I don't enjoy being around people that create drama. I get annoyed by people that harp on the same crap so that they can keep drama alive. I want to run away from situations that make me start to get involved in drama. But sometimes, usually when I am stressed out or super frustrated with life, I get dramatic.

Usually, at some point in the depths of my being dramatic, I realize that maybe there is something going on that I haven't thought about. I've suddenly started acting out, like a child, and that usually only happens when I've been unable to express what's really bothering me. At that point in my dramatic cycle, I start to turn it around and work on the real problem. But I'm finding that over and over again the problem that I can't sort out is almost always the same. I don't know what I want to do.

I get lost and I get dramatic; that's pretty much what it boils down for me. I forget what I'm working towards or working for and then I freak out. I forget to take a step back and remember that I do have a path I'm walking on and it's one that I really am happy with...but sometimes I forget.

Lately, I've been feeling pretty dramatic. It's really frustrating, because drama makes me tired. So I've been working really hard to get my head right, get my goals in mind and taking the steps to correct the things that are messing with me mentally. (I'm struggling with work right now and trying to figure out if where I am is really the best place for me to be.)

Does this happen to anyone else? How do you keep your goals in mind and remember that you might be working towards something, even if it's not a tangible goal?

Pay it Forward...for Char.

2011-06-21T10:10:00.000-07:00

Image via Char's Etsy shop

In March, Char said she was participating in a Pay it Forward. She offered to send something to the first five people that commented on her blog, but wound up deciding to send something to everyone that commented. She had emailed me a few weeks later to let me know that she hadn't forgotten about it, she had just been really busy.

Char was never able to send out my photo. And while it makes me sad (she took such pretty photos) I still want to Pay it Forward to other people. So here's the deal, if you want a chance to win a little something from me (I haven't sorted out what, but it will be fun) leave a comment on this post. On the 27th, I'll pick 5 names and send something out to those people. The idea with the Pay it Forward thing is that you would in turn give a little something to 5 other people and they would then do the same. I'm of the mind that if you want to Pay it Forward, do it. If you can't right now, that's cool, too. Life gets busy and honestly, I don't want people to not participate simply because they don't have time to send something out to five people.

Okay, hopefully that all makes sense. Hooray for gifts in the mail! Happy Tuesday, everyone.

He loves me.

2011-06-17T05:00:00.000-07:00

For his anniversary gift to me, Andy got me the camera I've been wanting. He brought it with him to San Diego and I may or may not have let out a squeal in the middle of the restaurant we met up in.

I can already tell it's going to take a little getting used to, but I couldn't be more excited. I have an old Polaroid Land camera, which I love, but it's really inconvenient to use most of the time. (Nobody wants those chemicals all over themselves. Nobody.)

My camera collection is growing nicely. But the best part about it is that my favorite human knows his lady well. I can't ask for too much more than that.

The hardest part.

2011-06-16T09:34:00.000-07:00

This morning I found out, like a lot of folks, that one of my favorite blog friends died ten days ago. Char was one of the first people to read my blog and she quickly became someone that I looked forward to hearing from. Her photos always made me smile and her blog posts were heartfelt and honest.

I never had the pleasure of meeting her in "real life" or hearing her Alabama accent with my own hears, but thanks to the wonderful thing we call blogging, I was able to connect with her and I will always be grateful to have known her that way.

Death always makes me stop in my tracks, and I'm sure it does that to everyone. We never expect it, even though we all know it's inevitable. And the thing with blogging is that we get fairly close to people that we don't usually have direct contact with, so it takes longer to find out something has happened. We sit at our computers, wondering why so and so hasn't updated their blog lately, not thinking that it might be something serious preventing them from updating us on their lives.

So here's to Char, one of the most genuine people in the blog world. You'll be missed tremendously.

Finished.

2011-06-15T05:00:00.000-07:00

Things I learned making this quilt:

- I am a serious procrastinator. Serious.

- Quilting is a lot of fun and I can see myself doing it lots more.

- Taking photos of finished quilts right before leaving for work, in really bad lighting, is a terrible idea.

- The amount of quilting inspiration on the internets is INSANE. Like "I could spend my entire life quilting and still never do all that could be done" insane.

- Making things for babies is fun.

Around the yard.

2011-06-14T05:00:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to post some more photos of the yard. Things are blooming like crazy and it's making it really fun to look out the kitchen window.

I have plants that I didn't know were in the yard, show up. I had plants that I didn't think would bloom, bloom. It's just been really fun seeing what changes each day.

I kind of thought that I had killed my roses because I didn't know how to care for them all that well. But I guess I did okay because the two bushes are blooming like crazy.

For our anniversary, my mom and stepdad got us a hydrangea (which is one of my favorite plants/flowers). I am going to clear a place for it in the front yard and can hardly wait to watch it grow and grow.

My raised beds are built and planted (along with a kind of goofy brick path that I end up walking around). The plants have gotten bigger since I took this photo, so I'm thinking that they are thriving and that I'll be patting myself on the back for food well grown in just a matter of weeks.

What do you have growing around your place?

For a smile...

2011-06-13T14:32:00.000-07:00

Today is my "get back in the groove" day, so rather than ramble on with some post about crazy stuff, I am sharing a sweet video.

Randall is awesome.

Hey look!

2011-06-07T21:08:00.000-07:00

I'm on Twitter...and I have no clue what I'm doing there. But hey, it's fun to try new things, right? Or something. This could turn out to be very fun or very, very bad. Only time will tell. Are you on Twitter? If so, how on earth does it work?

Hello, hello.

2011-06-07T09:36:00.000-07:00

I feel like the last two weeks have flown by. We had all these projects up in the air for the last few months around the house and suddenly within a span of 14 days, we finished them all. And as great as it is to have all those things finished, I feel a little lost now. I feel like I'm supposed to be doing something, but I don't know what it is. Most likely, this just means that it's time to start on some new projects.

Tomorrow I'm headed to San Diego for a conference. On Friday, my favorite human will be joining me and we'll spend the weekend enjoying some baseball, the zoo and each other. I haven't been to San Diego in a few years, so I'm really looking forward to this trip, even if half of it is for work.

Because of the conference, I've had to do a little clothes shopping. I have a lot of trouble finding clothes that fit me well. It's discouraging and it makes me wish I had more time to hone my sewing skills so I could make my own clothing. (It was supposed to be one of my goals for my 29th year, but life kind of got in the way of some of goals.)

Today is one of those days in which I don't have anything really cohesive or important to say. But I wanted to post a little something, to say hello. So...hello.

Jibber jabber...or the Lame and the Awesome.

2011-06-03T08:37:00.000-07:00

- I woke up at 5:30 this morning thinking it was Saturday. Lame.

- The weather is supposed to be amazing this weekend. Awesome.

- People at my work are not meeting their deadlines. Lame.

- I just remembered how good Tool's first album is. Awesome.

- We're celebrating our 4th anniversary tonight (a week early) with a special dinner. Awesome.

- I had a great date with my best gal last night, full of wine, food, jazz and excellent conversation. Awesome.

- Clothes shopping for a work conference is causing me serious stress. Lame.

- This weekend will be full of beer brewing and hiking. Awesome.

- My list for the day has more "Awesome" things than "Lame" things. Double Awesome.

So what are the lame and the awesome for you today?

Babbling about love and stuff.

2011-05-31T09:46:00.000-07:00

Every once in awhile I get overwhelmed by the idea of love. I don't know what starts me off thinking about it, but when I get going down this road, it's hard to stop.

Love is one of those things that pretty much blows my mind. The different kinds of love, the different levels of love and all the things that love can put us through or give us. When I think about the people in my life that I love and the ones that love me, I get so emotional, it's kind of silly. I think about the bonds I've built with people and how they grow and change over the years. And I think about the people that aren't related to me that somehow managed to find something in me worth loving. It's kind of a trip to know that someone loves me like I love them...because it means that I'm giving them a gift, just they are giving me a gift.

But at the same time, I wind up thinking about people that are in situations where there isn't this overflow of love in their lives. And I think about what I would do without all the love I have and how different I might be. And then I immediately start to freak out thinking about WHAT WOULD I DO? because the fact is nothing is guaranteed to be here forever.

So, I'm trying to remember to be grateful for love everyday. And I want to make sure that I'm showing those that I love that I love them tremendously, as often as I can. (Even on the days when I think I hate everyone.)

Are the interwebs getting quiet?

2011-05-27T10:28:00.000-07:00

For some reason it seems like the interwebs are getting quieter. It seems like people are taking breaks from blogging, posting less or not at all. I had thought about doing away with my blog, but realized that it's the only way I have to keep in touch with all the great people I've met over the last couple of years.

I think a lot about what I post here and why I post what I post. Some days I don't post because I don't have anything fun to say. I tend to write to get the muck out of my brain, but sometimes I feel like that gets old to read, for people that aren't me. Some days I just want to ramble on about things that matter to me, but who knows who else they might matter to. Other days, I just want to get some advice about stuff.

There are so many blogs out there, I feel blessed to have even 1 reader of my blog. And while I'm amazed at the people that have thousands of readers, I don't have the energy (nor the talent) to post stuff that many people would be interested in. But my hope is that it's interesting enough, at least sometimes, to keep you entertained.

(And while just a couple of days ago, I had thoughts of abandoning blogging, today I managed to sign up for Pinterest and Twitter. Weird, I know. Once I get an understanding of both of them, I'll post links, in case you might be interested in seeing what I'm getting up to on those platforms.)

With a long weekend here and some time to spend with family visiting from out of town, I'm going to be thinking about this blog and what it means to me and what I want it to be in the future. Hopefully I'll have some excellent plans and ideas for things that are fun and entertaining. Until Tuesday, my friends. Enjoy the weekend!

The trip.

2011-05-23T20:28:00.000-07:00

Our trip to Victoria was wonderful. Being in a different place, without having to think about work or chores or unfinished projects, was just what I needed.

We went to some local pubs, walked around (lost in the middle of the night, at one point) and we took some time to head to the Butchart Gardens. It was the perfect time of year to go there...I almost died when I realized just how many tulips (not to mention other flowers) they have here. Amazing.

I came home with a ton of inspiration for my own yard and garden, but really, just having the memories of being in such a beautiful place was enough for me.

I have some more flower photos from the trip over here. And I think I found a new favorite little flower, the Bellis or English Daisy. Love them.

One thing I didn't expect to happen, that did, was that I was totally not into the Empress Hotel. I wanted to go look around the inside, to see what all the fuss was about and I've never felt so out of place in my life! We walked around a little, but I quickly realized I was having more fun out wandering around the downtown area, having beers at local pubs and talking to the super friendly folks that worked in those pubs. Do you ever have that happen? You think you're going to love something and quickly find out that it's not as great (to you) as you thought it would be. Kind of disappointing, but I quickly got over, thanks to a pint of beer and people watching.

Today I'm going to:

2011-05-20T08:32:00.000-07:00

Image found here.

- Listen to some Little People; because this album is on constant rotation for me. I love it. (Plus, isn't that kid the cutest??)

- Finish painting the bathroom; because if do that, we can install the sink and toilet tomorrow, which will mean the upstairs bathroom is FINALLY DONE!

- Buy some new hiking shoes; because REI is having their big yearly sale and the shoes I want are pretty darn affordable.

- Drink a little beer; because Rogue has a new GYO Chatoe brew out and I bought some for myself last night for a Friday treat.

- Take a walk outside; because the weather is PERFECT right now and I don't want to miss any chances to be out in it.

- Clean my house; because I've been very lazy in the cleaning department lately and I'm finally fed up with the dust and mess.

What are you going to do?

An interest in Pinterest.

2011-05-18T10:02:00.000-07:00

Image via the Pinterest blog.

I've got to be honest...Pinterest freaks me out a little bit. I mean, it's a great idea, but I have visions of myself spending HOURS looking at images, dreaming up plans, getting inspired and then promptly getting overwhelmed. I tend to lose my mind a little bit when I get excited about possible projects and that always leads to me, laying in bed at 11pm, unable to sleep because I can't stop thinking and planning things to do.

This leads me to ask you all: are you on Pinterest? Is it amazing or overwhelming? Is it addicting (resulting in a lot of time wasting)? Let me know what you think. And then, let me know how in the heck I join...

Let's keep it real.

2011-05-16T10:24:00.000-07:00

My mood lately has been going up and down faster than the elevator in the Empire State Building. I'm not sure what's causing it but, I've got to be honest, it is super annoying. I've been trying really hard to think of ways to keep my mood as even as possible and I've finally sorted out a few things that I think are helping.

First, I got super down the other day so I decided to buy myself a little (non-food) present to cheer myself up. This isn't something I plan on doing all that often, because it would get expensive pretty quick. But these two little things totally brightened my day.

Super cute Heath bud vase from Canoe.

A lovely new bookmark, also from Canoe.

Another thing I'm doing is understanding what I am going to be capable of each day. When I wake up in the morning, I can tell almost instantly what kind of day I can have. If I'm energetic and slept well, I will get much more done than if I have crazy dreams or wasn't able to sleep well. So basically, I have a conversation with myself while I shower and I sort out a realistic goal list for myself for the day. I have to accomplish at least a few things (not including my work responsibilities) each day otherwise I get down on myself. Even if the list is something like, walk for 30 minutes, sew for 20 minutes, fix dinner and clean the kitchen, I still feel good at the end of the day. And some days I can do way more after work, but some days I can't. I find that I just have to be really honest and realistic with myself so that I don't set myself up to fail.

The last thing I just started was taking a new form of vitamins first thing in the morning. (Thanks, Mama!) I'm hoping that they help me as much as they've helped my mom.

What do you do when you feel like you can't get stable emotionally/mentally? Do tell.

Home.

2011-05-11T17:59:00.000-07:00

Every time I leave home for more than a day, I get so excited when it's time to come home. We had a great time in Victoria, but nothing is sweeter than sleeping in my own bed, using my shower and sitting in my chair. I'm taking the rest of the week away from blogging, just to finish out my little "recharge week," but I will be around to your places to see what you've been up to.

Coming back.

2011-05-03T08:40:00.000-07:00

I find that we've got a lot of plants that are showing their faces now that the sun is starting to make a regular appearance around here. It's been a fun thing to see all the things that the previous owner planted come back to life.

As much as I love annuals, I think that perennials are so much more interesting. The grow, they die, the hibernate and they come back...year after year. I think I could marvel on that all day. Nature is amazing. Do you have a favorite perennial? Or annual, for that matter.

PS: Posting is going to be light for the next week or so for me. (And it's already been pretty light lately.) I'm falling behind in things I need to get accomplished and we're heading to Seattle and Canada on Sunday, so I really need to buckle down. I'm still stopping by your blogs though, because I love to see what you're up to.

Leaves on trees and sweet, sweet victory.

2011-04-29T08:56:00.000-07:00

Let me ask you something: Do you notice how when things start blooming and the world is getting a little brighter and lighter with the change in seasons, other parts of life seem to brighten up, too? Maybe it's just me feeling happier because the days are longer, the weather is getting slightly better and there are flowers and bright green leaves all around me. Whatever it is, I'm digging it.

I've been working on some top-secret type plans lately and, joy of joys, I think they are going to work out. Soon I'll be able to talk about the details, but for now, I'm just feeling really happy that something I really wanted to happen is going to. (Sidenote: this is not about babies, a new business or anything like that.)

So today, I'm going to enjoy the work day. I'm going to enjoy some planned social time with friends. And I'm going to smile to myself because I know that sometimes, things really do work out.

What are you doing today?

Rooting around

2011-04-26T04:40:00.000-07:00

The weather was amazing on Saturday. I actually got to spend a bunch of time working in my yard, clearing out flowerbeds, digging up weeds, and churning the soil as best as I could with my small arsenal of tools.

I worked diligently for a few hours until my arms and back were sore and tired...but in a good way. I thought about how nice it is to have a yard, even if it does require a lot of work.

I thought about my dad and how he loved to be in the yard. He'd work and work, turning a patch of dirt into a beautiful bed of color and flowers. And, without fail, in the middle of his work he would take a few steps back, lean on his shovel and take a sip from an ice cold can of beer and smile, satisfied with how things were going.

The flowers in my yard are making me really happy. I have plans to get a few more things planted, but for right now, I'm just happy that I had a day of sunshine to spend out there, rooting around and seeing what there was to see.

PS: I'm trying something new and not adjusting the colors on my outdoor photos. Can you tell me if any of them (the last one in particular) look really dark on your screen? Thanks!

I've got my eye on you.

2011-04-25T13:05:00.000-07:00

Image via Canoe

I've officially decided that I'm going to start wearing a watch again. And I decided that right after I laid eyes on this beauty while browsing around Canoe a few weeks ago. The catch is that I've made buying this watch a reward for reaching an important personal goal (regarding my health).

Sometimes a little extra motivation is just what the doctor ordered. Do you reward yourself for reaching goals?

Five in a row.

2011-04-19T19:49:00.000-07:00

It's official. I've finally completely and totally perfected my egg poaching technique. I even have the cooking times down for the perfect yolk consistency. (Depending on the day, I either like them to have the viscosity of NyQuil or just barely solid.) Thus far I've made five in a row that have turned out just how I like them and I think that's the threshold for perfection...don't you think?

Speaking of eggs, I'm taking a chicken keeping class this coming Sunday and I'm super excited about it. I'm still not 100% sure that it's the right thing for me to tackle right now, but I think after going to the class I'll have a better idea of what I want to do. Do you keep chickens? Are they worth it? Are they crazy? Does it even matter once you start getting those fresh (fresh!) eggs? I have to wonder.

PS: My "Blogs" button works now. It's not a complete list of all the blogs I love to read, but I'm going to be continually adding to it until I get everything up there. Only a couple more buttons to fix and they'll all be working. Woot!

Dear Deftones,

2011-04-18T09:27:00.000-07:00

Image found here.

Thank you for the amazing show on Saturday. It's been a long time since I've seen you play live, but you are just as good as you've always been. Even though we took the more adult route and stayed up in the balcony, safe from all the crazy mosh-pit folks, I enjoyed myself tremendously. You played a great variety of songs and even played my favorite "slow song," which made me freak out a little bit, but in a good way. It had been so long since I had been to a serious rock show, but now I fully remember why I love them so much.

It was completely worth the silly anxiety, the staying up way late, the sore body (there was a lot of jumping going on) and the adrenaline letdown when it was all over.

Come back again soon, please.

Stephanie

Random bits on Friday.

2011-04-15T08:19:00.000-07:00

At the start of the week, all I wanted was for the week to be over. It's one of those weeks in which there is a lot to do and keep organized and even though you know you'll make it, you just want to be on the other side of it as fast as possible. Well, here it is...Friday. Our bathroom floor tile will be installed by the time I get home from work, my washing machine is fixed, a random annoying tax problem has been handled, we spent some time with one of my grandmother's and Andy fixed her computer and I even managed to fulfill a pie baking promise I made to my sweet husband.

I've been taking photos of random things, but I have failed in the uploading department. Sorry for the lack of color and stuff on the last couple of posts.

Thanks for all the comments on my last post. Immediately after I posted that, I felt like a weight had been lifted off of me. I realized how much I needed to get stuff out of my head if I was going to make room for new thoughts. I'm not saying that it miraculously fixed me, but I do find that my mind is slowing warming to the idea of being pleased with what I have (at whatever size I am), rather than constantly thinking about weighing less. One step at a time...both literally and figuratively.

This weekend will be full of more work on the bathroom, cleaning, schoolwork, walking, reading and a concert. (Deftones! Small venue! Yahoo!) What are you getting up to?

I hope the day and the weekend treat you well!

A weighty issue...and a little about me.

2011-04-12T10:03:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting to write about something that is suddenly very much a part of my life. Or, more accurately, I want to write about something that I suddenly FEEL is very much a part of my life. In short, I want to write about my health, my size and the battle I have with both.

If I started at the beginning of my struggles in this area, I would end up writing all day. Instead, I'll start with what I clearly remember as being the turning point in how I saw myself. I was fairly young and was on a camping trip with family and family friends. I was with an adult (who was my close "grown-up friend" at the time) and we were heading to the restroom. For some reason I was barefoot and we had to cross this wide gravel road to get to the rest area. My friend offered to give me a piggy back ride, so I climbed on her back. As she started to stand up, she faltered and said, "Oof! You're heavy!" I cannot express to you the feelings of utter shame and sadness that I felt at that moment. (And to this day, I have issues with people, including my husband, trying to pick me up.) It had never occurred to me before that moment that I was big, heavy, or, heaven forbid, fat. After that, I was acutely aware of my weight. But at that point, I was still a little too young to really do much to change it.

A few years later I started to address the issue of my weight and health. I stopped eating meat (and actually seriously cut down how much I was eating) and I started exercising. At first I would ride the family stationary bike in the basement and make up weird workout routines. I think all that really mattered was that I was moving. I started to lose weight and get more energy. I started to in-line skate. Suddenly the number on the scale started to become extremely important to me. I would stand on the scale and eat a spoonful if ice cream to see if the number would change. I wrote about my weight in my journal. I was constantly thinking about food, exercise and not gaining back the weight I lost.

As more time passed, I started to calm down about my weight. The number on the scale bounced around over the next few years. When I was around 19, I started to lift weights. I got stronger and leaner and didn't really care about what the scale said at all, just so long as my clothes fit well. Exercise became more of a lifestyle thing, rather than a means to get to a goal.

More time passed. I started to have more interests in other areas of life. I wasn't hanging out with my friends that exercised, so my routines went down the drain. I gained weight. Then my dad died. During the week after he passed I remember clearly having a mature family member comment on the fact that I was "getting bigger." Not the best timing for my emotions. I couldn't really bring myself to make any changes at that point in my life. But a few months later, I started to work out again, diligently, with my best friend. I lost around 15 pounds. I could run 3 miles. I was getting stronger again. I felt happy.

Life continued on and the good habits went down the toilet. Partying became the order of the day. Along with poor lifestyle choices came weight gain. After a year of that I, again, made changes. I hit the gym, stopped drinking, ate better and started to sleep regular hours. I lost weight, felt better and thought I was happy.

Are you seeing the pattern? Ups and downs, healthy and unhealthy, happy and not-so-happy. I've been caught in this cycle for over half of my life. And I decided that it needs to stop. Now.

Over the last 18 months, I haven't given two hoots about my health. I work out from time to time, I eat right most of the time, but all in all, I don't take care of my health. And while it has impacted the number I see on the scale in the morning, my bigger concern is, in fact, my health and how I feel about me. At this point in my life the thing I need to think about is how I feel, not what I weigh. And this is a struggle.

But I've started with a few small changes that I know will help me to feel better and if I happen to drop a few pounds because of those changes, so be it. The fact is, I do need to drop some pounds, not so much for my vanity's sake, but for my joints. (Knees are expensive to replace, so I should probably care about the 2 that I have right now, right?) And during this process of resetting how I think about things revolving around my body's size, I also plan to address the internal struggle I have with how I see myself. But for now, I'll work on my small changes and enjoy the fact that I'm already starting to feel better.

If you're still reading, thanks. I really had to get this out of my head. Onward and upward.

Fixin' a hole...with banana bread

2011-04-07T09:52:00.000-07:00

I find that sometimes a small hole in life can be filled with the simplest of things and life suddenly feels a little better. The other night, I filled a tiny hole with some baking.

It was fairly late in the day when I started baking, so by the time the bread was done it was pretty late. But the house smelled terrific and cozy.

Last night I whipped up some cream cheese with a little powdered sugar and vanilla to make that banana bread even better.

And it was. A nice little treat to end a long day on a very high note. I'm already thinking about making this a weekly tradition; bake something simple but delightful, just to remind myself that things really are just that good.

Sorry for the weirdly colored photos. I took most of these at night with my little Canon Powershot and didn't feel like monkeying around with getting the colors (or composition) all that great.

The weather is crazy but the evenings are nice.

2011-04-06T11:04:00.000-07:00

It's gray and dreary here today. There are whispers and rumors of possible snow showers. The weather is drifting from sunny, to gray, to rainy, to windy and back to sunny.

Last night we left the house for a pre-dinner walk (a new routine we're getting into) and it started to mist a bit on us. But when we got back to the house, I fought back against the cold, wet weather by baking a loaf of banana walnut bread. While those delicious smells filled the house, I did some school reading, got a little ironing done and even got some sewing done. It was a productive night, while still managing to be soothing to my soul.

The more I think about it the more I realize how easy it is to have nights like that. All it takes is a little planning and motivation. And the best part is I was in bed before 10pm and woke up this morning feeling happy and content.

Do you have an evening routine that helps you feel happy and content?